Marriages are UNDER FIRE and ON FIRE

This is a rather vulnerable post, but I share it as a testimony of God’s amazing grace. For those who can relate, I pray my own journey will encourage yours…

Until recently, I thought it was only my marriage that was undergoing a huge transformation. Several months ago, the Lord uncovered a major lie I was believing that radically changed my perception of my husband. I was totally unaware of this lie as it had been a part of my thinking since my formative years as a young girl. But once this lie was uncovered, it was like a light was turned on and my marriage went from being good and stable to totally renewed and transformed.

The last thing the enemy wants is for us to discover the power of true love and affection. A connection with our spouse that is potent and powerful, apart from sexual overtones or expectations. A bond of the heart that draws one to the other for the sake of love, and not need or self-gratification.

I have been stunned at how one little lie can so totally cloud and confuse an otherwise great relationship. And I believe there are many marriages right now facing the same dilemma. Little lies that have festered for a long time, unnoticed, but deadly. Where the enemy is trying to fuel those lies through unmet expectations and ongoing disappointments, the Lord is wanting to set us free. He is wanting us to experience an intimacy of the heart that reflects His own love for His Bride. And because He is doing this sovereign work of the heart, depending on one’s ability to surrender and yield to His process, our marriages will either be UNDER FIRE or ON FIRE.

It doesn’t necessarily matter what the lie is. For me, the lie was “You can never trust men with your heart.” Though I have always welcomed and valued the male perspective in thought and practice, there were limits when it came to issues of the heart. Because of being emotionally and spiritually manipulated by male authorities from the time I was a child, it’s been second nature to question men’s motivations. And this is where it affected my marriage. I never fully trusted my husband’s initiatives in getting close to my heart. With that little lie firmly embedded in my thinking, I always interpreted his initiatives with a measure of suspicion. Convinced that he was probably looking out for his own needs, I was totally blinded to the true state of his heart that deeply loved me and simply wanted me to know. Though I would receive a measure of the love he offered, I never embraced or received the fullness he intended. 

When I got delivered of that lie – literally – it was like that young girl was freed from her bondage. I was finally able to receive an affection and love from my husband that was previously inaccessible. I still can’t believe how much I have been missing through the years, simply because I allowed one little lie to direct my emotions and responses. We are still adjusting to this new reality, feeling like we have entered a second honeymoon phase. And along with it is a righteous anger towards the enemy who has stolen so many years of meaningful connection.

I share this to encourage those of you who may feel your marriage is under fire. I urge you to ask the Holy Spirit if there is any lie embedded in your thinking that is blocking your ability to fully give and receive love. Dare to talk about it and dig deeper to uncover what is actually true based on facts, and not assumptions based on past negative experiences. It won’t mean that you will agree on everything or have the same feelings. But it will bring the Light to shine on those deep recesses of your hearts and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. Don’t let the enemy rob you of God’s best in your marriage.

Our covenant with God and with one another is extremely powerful – when the covenant is honored. It means fighting for that covenant and not allowing lies and disappointments to take a front seat. It means taking a stand against the enemy together, knowing that a cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).  

If you want your marriage to be ON fire, let His fire come. Allow His purifying work to burn out the lies, purify the intentions of your heart, and fuel your passion to love again. When you walk in the fullness of His truth, you may be surprised at what true love actually looks – and feels like.

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Wanda Alger

Wanda has been in ministry for over 35 years as a worship leader, teacher, author, deliverance counselor, and speaker.


11 Responses

  1. Wanda, you are so right! The enemy- leviathan- is constantly trying to come between my husband and me- We are still together and have reached our 40th anniversary this month! I’m learning that my husband DOES like to talk about things, where I used to think he’d rather not know- little things – bills, household stuff, just little things. But when we sit together and go over things, I am SO encouraged and feel that closeness that I love. We need to guard our marriages! Thank you for this!!

  2. Thank you for sharing Wanda. I have been married for 40 years and have been praying for my heart to be reopened and love to return. I know the enemy has stolen so many good years from us. I’m asking Holy Spirit to help me find the way, your story is inspiring. God bless you.

  3. Wanda, this is such a beautiful testimony of the Holy Spirit bringing hidden things to light! Thank you for being vulnerable and open. This only makes a person more drawn to the purity of Spirit in you!! May the Lord continue to blossom you and your husband in EVERY area of your life so that we in the body of Christ may witness the “three fold cord that is not easily broken”. Your sister in Christ, Victoria

  4. Wanda,
    So appreciate your transparency in sharing this. I have recently been praying for the Lord to show me any lies I have been believing about myself or others.
    Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!
    Very happy and blessed for you, your husband, and all who will be experiencing personal and relational breakthroughs in our minds and hearts!

  5. The timing on this was perfect. My husband came back today from a two week overseas trip and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I’m praying right now and asking the Holy Spirit to show me the lies I’m believing. Thank you Wanda!

  6. Wanda, It would be great to understand the process of how God revealed the lie that had been keeping you from enjoying a more complete relationship with your husband. Were you aware of it? Did Holy Spirit just bring it to your attention one day? Thank you for sharing!

    1. I knew the lie, but I didn’t have a revelation of the truth to displace it. It was when the Lord opened my eyes to see my husband’s initiatives differently that I was able to get free of the lie. The Holy Spirit brought me to this point through a series of things that woke me up. And it was during a night of worship at our church when Bobby actually prayed deliverance over people’s emotions that Holy Spirit took me to the floor and delivered me of a generational curse (the lie was handed down from my mother and her mother….lots of history there).

  7. Wanda I just watched your recent video and my life and marriage and family are going through some things….it’s a lot and asking if you would please include us in your prayers…. praying God has Mercy on our lives and no more enemy doing things to us and even ourselves….I have been broken for some time…..we are not pastors but have shared our testimonies with people for years.

  8. This is such an important experience. I too have the very similar thing happening in my 34 year old marriage. We have been together since I was 17 and he has hurt me deeply. I will be thinking about this.

  9. What divine timing! I first saw your article on The Stream ( I grew up surrounded by very Christ-like marriages & individuals.
    So of course, I thought that was more or less normal. Whooooowee!!! Was I ever wrong and in for a turbulent awakening!!! There’s so much to say and so much that we’re processing. It’s comforting to know we’re not the only ones. And yet it’s so sad that so many Christian marriages are struggling this deeply, hanging on by a thread it seems. Thank you for sharing your testimony and being vulnerable!

  10. Thank you again for such a timely word. In the last few month we have been through the fire and know exactly of what you speak of. The lies are subtle and yet steal so much of the power of an intimate relationship on every level. Thank you Wanda for your words of encouragement and insight. Thank you for being transparent and speaking about this.

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